The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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