We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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