i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
