don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
