it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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