I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
