im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
