Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
