there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
