How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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