oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
