Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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