Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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