I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
