2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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