My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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