I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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