finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
