He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
