I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
