Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
