remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
