pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
