It's like God shit irony all over that family
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
