Just fell off a train. Bad.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
