I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We're too hungover to prance.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize