I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
