you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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