so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
