Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
