Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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