I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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