even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
