I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
