Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
