we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize