I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
