More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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