I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
