Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize