member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
