Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
