You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
