you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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