i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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