turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
