tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
