I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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