I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize