The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
