I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
