I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
