so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize