So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
