He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
