We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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