Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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