Princesses don't give blow jobs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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