Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this will be a night to untag.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
