It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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