He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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