the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
