if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
