You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
