It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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