At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
