you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
