One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
