I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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