Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
