i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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