Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
