Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
