My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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