i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
