hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We talked him into tasing himself.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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