i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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