That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
